LORD CLONK
David. A word.
DAVID
Mmmm?
HERB
Lives are being devastated and destroyed by wars and hate.
LORD CLONK
By disease.
HERB
By natural disasters.
STOOGIE
Let's not forget poverty.
LORD CLONK
Just one question.
DAVID
Okay...
HERB
Do you care?
DAVID
Do I care? What kind of question is that? Of course I care.
LORD CLONK
Oh. Good. That’s a relief. How?
DAVID
How?
HERB
How do you care?
DAVID
What do you mean ‘how’? I just do.
STOOGIE
You just do?
LORD CLONK
Because obviously you can’t care without being willing and wanting to DO some caring.
DAVID
Well I did become a vegan a month ago.
LORD CLONK
Trying not to eat certain foods? That’s a start I guess. So how do you care beyond your food?
DAVID
Food’s a big thing you understand.
HERB
You would tell this to a starving child?
DAVID
Well, no. Of course not.
STOOGIE
Why not?
DAVID
Because from their perspective it’s absurd. It’s a different world to them. They wouldn’t understand.
HERB
Tell me. What is harder – to be a bit picky over what food you eat or to die of starvation?
DAVID
I guess to starve.
STOOGIE
And tell me by how much?
LORD CLONK
And then tell me how much you love your neighbour as yourself.
STOOGIE
And then tell me whether you'd sooner buy a beanbag or use that money for someone who actually needs it.
HERB
And then tell me whether it's better to go out for a coffee or give that money to those who actually need it.
STOOGIE
These things add up you see. It may look like two pounds--
LORD CLONK
But it's never a one-off.
HERB
Please understand, we aren’t being harsh here. We are just asking questions.
STOOGIE
After all, it can’t be a bad thing to be aware of the truth.
HERB
The bigger picture.
STOOGIE
Beyond you and your culture’s homemade box.
HERB
But wait. We are being a bit unfair. After all, if your mum was in the middle of a war, you’d care right?
LORD CLONK
If your sister was dying of an easily preventable disease, you’d care right?
STOOGIE
If a really close friend was, err... I can’t actually think of anything. But you would do something about it, right?
DAVID
Yes! Thank you! I would! I would go to great lengths for them. See?! I do care!
STOOGIE
Did we ever say you don’t? Not me.
HERB
Or me.
LORD CLONK
Or me.
Tuesday, 23 December 2008
Monday, 1 September 2008
Critically Stunted.2
LORD CLONK
Hey Herb.
HERB
Sup?
LORD CLONK
I think you were pretty much right earlier.
Hey Herb.
HERB
Sup?
LORD CLONK
I think you were pretty much right earlier.
Critically Stunted
HERB
I've been watching you for a while now.
LORD CLONK
Can't say I blame you.
HERB
I think you are critically stunted.
LORD CLONK
You what?
HERB
In temporal terms.
LORD CLONK
That's ridiculous. Maybe you should just shut your face. Failing that, what are you on about?
HERB
You'll happily listen to someone's point of view, but if it conflicts with your own then you won't allow your mind to be changed. You rationalise your current view in the face of superior rationalisation with little movement towards my view permitted and only much later will you consider revising your views in the light of my arguments.
LORD CLONK
Bollocks. In those cases my opponent is simply shit at explaining their view adequately.
HERB
Perhaps then, being unable to understand them simply because they lack strong communication skills is your flaw.
LORD CLONK
No. I'm not exactly going to help someone build an argument against my own.
HERB
... Hmmm. Why not?
LORD CLONK
I can give you several reasons.
HERB
Go for it.
LORD CLONK
They aren't going to be doing the same for me, so that would make my side of the argument far less defended in comparison. Whereas if I am aware of such arguments internally, then it balances things up. Also it's a matter of reputation which is important for future arguments. And pride.
HERB
Don't you see what you're doing? You're automatically gainsaying me under the assumption that I am wrong because you disagreed with my initial point. Ironically this has gone some way to proving my point. You aren't willing to accept anything from my perspective that sees you as flawed. You seek various logical arguments primarily to shift the identified cause from you to something else. While they may hold some validity, it doesn't necessarily fully address my original concern, it merely diverts attention from it and mitigates the consequences of the concern.
LORD CLONK
We shall agree to disagree on that point.
HERB
Agree to disagree? Why? Surely you would rather reach a more enlightened conclusion?
LORD CLONK
Feel free to agree with me.
I've been watching you for a while now.
LORD CLONK
Can't say I blame you.
HERB
I think you are critically stunted.
LORD CLONK
You what?
HERB
In temporal terms.
LORD CLONK
That's ridiculous. Maybe you should just shut your face. Failing that, what are you on about?
HERB
You'll happily listen to someone's point of view, but if it conflicts with your own then you won't allow your mind to be changed. You rationalise your current view in the face of superior rationalisation with little movement towards my view permitted and only much later will you consider revising your views in the light of my arguments.
LORD CLONK
Bollocks. In those cases my opponent is simply shit at explaining their view adequately.
HERB
Perhaps then, being unable to understand them simply because they lack strong communication skills is your flaw.
LORD CLONK
No. I'm not exactly going to help someone build an argument against my own.
HERB
... Hmmm. Why not?
LORD CLONK
I can give you several reasons.
HERB
Go for it.
LORD CLONK
They aren't going to be doing the same for me, so that would make my side of the argument far less defended in comparison. Whereas if I am aware of such arguments internally, then it balances things up. Also it's a matter of reputation which is important for future arguments. And pride.
HERB
Don't you see what you're doing? You're automatically gainsaying me under the assumption that I am wrong because you disagreed with my initial point. Ironically this has gone some way to proving my point. You aren't willing to accept anything from my perspective that sees you as flawed. You seek various logical arguments primarily to shift the identified cause from you to something else. While they may hold some validity, it doesn't necessarily fully address my original concern, it merely diverts attention from it and mitigates the consequences of the concern.
LORD CLONK
We shall agree to disagree on that point.
HERB
Agree to disagree? Why? Surely you would rather reach a more enlightened conclusion?
LORD CLONK
Feel free to agree with me.
Saturday, 2 August 2008
I'm probably wrong
HERB
As we grow older and wiser we change our minds. I've done it plenty of times already. It's like we think only so far and don't realise that there is more to take into account. Or it's flawed logic. So how can you trust your current opinions? Surely the opinions of someone older/ more experienced are what I should rely upon as I develop my own without application?
STOOGIE
Or. Or you're wrong now.
HERB
Probably.
As we grow older and wiser we change our minds. I've done it plenty of times already. It's like we think only so far and don't realise that there is more to take into account. Or it's flawed logic. So how can you trust your current opinions? Surely the opinions of someone older/ more experienced are what I should rely upon as I develop my own without application?
STOOGIE
Or. Or you're wrong now.
HERB
Probably.
Emotionlessly Contented
HERB
Hey David.
DAVID
Heyyy!
HERB
How are you?
DAVID
Me? The usual. In a perpetual state of emotionless contentment. Why? How are you?
HERB
Um, fine... Emotionless contentment?
DAVID
I'm pretty much always fine, so I worked out a more exact answer to that question.
HERB
So you're never up and you're never down?
DAVID
Yes and no. I'm pretty much never down. The most 'down' you're likely to find me is when I'm realllllly bored. Or when beautifully heavy rain gets so heavy that it gets in my eyes and I can't see it any more.
HERB
That would be horrible.
DAVID
Tell me about it. On the flip side, I'm not 'up' much. But I'm content with that.
HERB
Hence the--
DAVID
--perpetual emotionless contentment.
HERB
And you're content with that?
DAVID
That's what it says on the tin.
HERB
But surely life is boring living like that?
DAVID
There's intellectual boredom and emotional boredom. There are many out there who totally ignore the former in favour of the latter.
HERB
And you're the other? Just because others do something doesn't make it right.
DAVID
I know, and I... no. I don't ignore my emotions, but they don't have much freedom.
HERB
You repress them?
DAVID
No. I'm just very aware of them. I'm very reflective. I realised that when I tried to sum myself up in three words. Reflective was number one.
HERB
Figures.
DAVID
Case in point - I'm almost never angry. If I get angry I look at my anger and ask what the point of it is. If it spurs me to do anything that I wouldn't do the next day when I'm not angry, I stop myself. I realise that it is a redundant emotion. Angers stops, emotion buggers off. Another example is that I was really depressed for two months recently.
HERB
I thought you said--
DAVID
I think depression comes in 5 or more year cycles. It's a bit like restarting your computer to make it work better again. My point being, that emotionally that was shit. But intellectually I was having a field day. So much new stuff to process.
HERB
... Riiiiight. And you nullify positive emotions in the same way as your anger?
DAVID
That was just why I'm hardly ever down. That and the fact that I am something of an optimist.
HERB
So why aren't you up much?
DAVID
Well, hmmm. I question how much other people are 'up'. There's a difference between being content and being happy. Happy is one of those emotions that comes and goes quite readily.
HERB
Not being someone else, I can't comment.
DAVID
It's an emotion that tends to be reliant on the presence of others. Unlike being unhappy.
HERB
Oh, that's an interesting point.
DAVID
Right then. At this point I'd like to bring in the fact that my happiness is often dependant on others. In fact my sadness works this way too. But I still hold that depression can be just as easily internally induced as externally. Not so with happiness.
HERB
Dependant on others? Why? That sounds pretty rubbish too. No control over your emotions...
DAVID
Or maybe that's just it. If I feel that I DO have an element of control over someone else's emotions. That's when it affects me.
HERB
What about yourself?
DAVID
I'm consistently emotionlessly contented. That's me. I'm sorted. What about me? I'm content being content. I wish the best for others too.
HERB
I just find you depressingly detached.
DAVID
Haha.
HERB
Why is this not affecting you? If you've been telling the truth, you should be depressed too.
DAVID
Heh, yeah. But you're me. I have no guilt in making you feel bad. You're like my little guinea pig.
HERB
:(
DAVID
Piggy.
EDIT:
FRIEND FROM CHURCH: One's level of happiness may be triggered by seemingly trivial things, but I believe it is because they connect with something deeper.
DAVID: Yes.
Hey David.
DAVID
Heyyy!
HERB
How are you?
DAVID
Me? The usual. In a perpetual state of emotionless contentment. Why? How are you?
HERB
Um, fine... Emotionless contentment?
DAVID
I'm pretty much always fine, so I worked out a more exact answer to that question.
HERB
So you're never up and you're never down?
DAVID
Yes and no. I'm pretty much never down. The most 'down' you're likely to find me is when I'm realllllly bored. Or when beautifully heavy rain gets so heavy that it gets in my eyes and I can't see it any more.
HERB
That would be horrible.
DAVID
Tell me about it. On the flip side, I'm not 'up' much. But I'm content with that.
HERB
Hence the--
DAVID
--perpetual emotionless contentment.
HERB
And you're content with that?
DAVID
That's what it says on the tin.
HERB
But surely life is boring living like that?
DAVID
There's intellectual boredom and emotional boredom. There are many out there who totally ignore the former in favour of the latter.
HERB
And you're the other? Just because others do something doesn't make it right.
DAVID
I know, and I... no. I don't ignore my emotions, but they don't have much freedom.
HERB
You repress them?
DAVID
No. I'm just very aware of them. I'm very reflective. I realised that when I tried to sum myself up in three words. Reflective was number one.
HERB
Figures.
DAVID
Case in point - I'm almost never angry. If I get angry I look at my anger and ask what the point of it is. If it spurs me to do anything that I wouldn't do the next day when I'm not angry, I stop myself. I realise that it is a redundant emotion. Angers stops, emotion buggers off. Another example is that I was really depressed for two months recently.
HERB
I thought you said--
DAVID
I think depression comes in 5 or more year cycles. It's a bit like restarting your computer to make it work better again. My point being, that emotionally that was shit. But intellectually I was having a field day. So much new stuff to process.
HERB
... Riiiiight. And you nullify positive emotions in the same way as your anger?
DAVID
That was just why I'm hardly ever down. That and the fact that I am something of an optimist.
HERB
So why aren't you up much?
DAVID
Well, hmmm. I question how much other people are 'up'. There's a difference between being content and being happy. Happy is one of those emotions that comes and goes quite readily.
HERB
Not being someone else, I can't comment.
DAVID
It's an emotion that tends to be reliant on the presence of others. Unlike being unhappy.
HERB
Oh, that's an interesting point.
DAVID
Right then. At this point I'd like to bring in the fact that my happiness is often dependant on others. In fact my sadness works this way too. But I still hold that depression can be just as easily internally induced as externally. Not so with happiness.
HERB
Dependant on others? Why? That sounds pretty rubbish too. No control over your emotions...
DAVID
Or maybe that's just it. If I feel that I DO have an element of control over someone else's emotions. That's when it affects me.
HERB
What about yourself?
DAVID
I'm consistently emotionlessly contented. That's me. I'm sorted. What about me? I'm content being content. I wish the best for others too.
HERB
I just find you depressingly detached.
DAVID
Haha.
HERB
Why is this not affecting you? If you've been telling the truth, you should be depressed too.
DAVID
Heh, yeah. But you're me. I have no guilt in making you feel bad. You're like my little guinea pig.
HERB
:(
DAVID
Piggy.
EDIT:
FRIEND FROM CHURCH: One's level of happiness may be triggered by seemingly trivial things, but I believe it is because they connect with something deeper.
DAVID: Yes.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
What the hell are you thinking?
LORD CLONK
Stop right there David.
DAVID
Sure, why?
LORD CLONK
You quit your job because working there made your wrists so bad that you had no choice.
DAVID
Yes. And?
LORD CLONK
You tell me.
DAVID
I sit back, try and get my wrists better and then go forth and find ano--
LORD CLONK
NO! The hell are you thinking? Just sue them. Sue them into the ground like an electric mallet.
DAVID
Um, no. The hell are YOU thinking? Suing over things like this is bullshit. We complain about a culture of suing with one (talking) hand and encourage it with the other.
LORD CLONK
That's beside the point. Think of the money.
DAVID
Don't need it.
LORD CLONK
Don't need it? You're about as skint as they get.
DAVID
I doubt that.
LORD CLONK
Well you could save it.
DAVID
No.
LORD CLONK
Or give it away.
DAVID
No.
LORD CLONK
How selfish of you.
DAVID
I have principles.
LORD CLONK
Principles that allow others to suffer while you are able to help them.
DAVID
Unfortunately yes.
LORD CLONK
What kind of sick life form are you?
DAVID
I don't know. I don't want to talk about it.
LORD CLONK
Why? Because I'm right?
DAVID
...
LORD CLONK
Well? If you're right then you can defend your position.
DAVID
This isn't how I want to get my money.
LORD CLONK
Oh, and your screenplay is going to become a massive blockbuster?
DAVID
That is the hope.
LORD CLONK
... No wonder I couldn't get you to defend yourself. You don't think things through. Sure, you think about things, but you stop when you come to something you feel good with.
DAVID
I believe I can fly.
LORD CLONK
And while I'm on the topic-- Wait, what?
*David flies up to the sky*
Stop right there David.
DAVID
Sure, why?
LORD CLONK
You quit your job because working there made your wrists so bad that you had no choice.
DAVID
Yes. And?
LORD CLONK
You tell me.
DAVID
I sit back, try and get my wrists better and then go forth and find ano--
LORD CLONK
NO! The hell are you thinking? Just sue them. Sue them into the ground like an electric mallet.
DAVID
Um, no. The hell are YOU thinking? Suing over things like this is bullshit. We complain about a culture of suing with one (talking) hand and encourage it with the other.
LORD CLONK
That's beside the point. Think of the money.
DAVID
Don't need it.
LORD CLONK
Don't need it? You're about as skint as they get.
DAVID
I doubt that.
LORD CLONK
Well you could save it.
DAVID
No.
LORD CLONK
Or give it away.
DAVID
No.
LORD CLONK
How selfish of you.
DAVID
I have principles.
LORD CLONK
Principles that allow others to suffer while you are able to help them.
DAVID
Unfortunately yes.
LORD CLONK
What kind of sick life form are you?
DAVID
I don't know. I don't want to talk about it.
LORD CLONK
Why? Because I'm right?
DAVID
...
LORD CLONK
Well? If you're right then you can defend your position.
DAVID
This isn't how I want to get my money.
LORD CLONK
Oh, and your screenplay is going to become a massive blockbuster?
DAVID
That is the hope.
LORD CLONK
... No wonder I couldn't get you to defend yourself. You don't think things through. Sure, you think about things, but you stop when you come to something you feel good with.
DAVID
I believe I can fly.
LORD CLONK
And while I'm on the topic-- Wait, what?
*David flies up to the sky*
The Reality Principle
DAVID
Okay, so it would be stupid of me to think that it is only Americans who distort the truth. Particularly since this was a study by England's Charities Aid Foundation.
HERB
So why did you pick on them?
DAVID
Well I guess it has something to do with the position they have put themselves in the global arena. The consequences of their meddling with other countries, which is not inherently a bad thing, has far and wide reaching consequences compared to even the UK. It may not be my country, but they have made me and rather a lot of others a stakeholder. When they try and make themselves look better than they are, that does not sit well with me. Reputations affect more than their origins for some good reasons.
---
HERB
I see you have four months of holiday. Considering the stresses of prior months, it's a wonderful opportunity to kick back and chillax (chill+relax).
DAVID
Yes... but unfortunately it's also a brilliant opportunity to power through stuff I really should do.
HERB
... Like?
DAVID
Big and varied reading list ranging from fiction classics to coursework to philosophy to the good book.
HERB
Books can be relaxing.
DAVID
I don't really like books.
HERB
Ah.
DAVID
I'm working hard on my screenplay and after five years of playing bass I'm trying to seriously improve my skillz. Then there's random shit like visiting America, catching up with loads of friends, working (albeit very part time nowadays), continuing my ebay money making schemes and once I'm comfortable with all of that I'd like to learn how to cook.
HERB
... You don't know how to cook.
DAVID
Hey, I'm a student, alright? Look, I've got a couple of flatmates now. Three is a much more workable figure for cooking.
HERB
So how much of this are you actually doing?
DAVID
Lots. I'm really working hard. Having total independence is just what I need. Some people lack motivation or are motivated to chillax. I'm at a crucial stage in my life and I want to hurry and become a more complete person.
HERB
Cool. That's a good way of looking at this... although doesn't it take the fun out of life?
DAVID
A bit, but life isn't about fun. I still hang out with friends, but... wait. There's a principle for this. Some sort of law. THE REALITY PRINCIPLE. Look it up sucka!
HERB
That's all good and well as long as there's an end to this lack of fun.
DAVID
It's not just about fun. It's about happiness. And I am... contented. But I am content with being contented. And there may be an end, but there's no need to begin considering that now.
HERB
Actually using some perspective allows you to focus on the right things at the right time or in the right order.
DAVID
Shut up.
HERB
Sorry.
Okay, so it would be stupid of me to think that it is only Americans who distort the truth. Particularly since this was a study by England's Charities Aid Foundation.
HERB
So why did you pick on them?
DAVID
Well I guess it has something to do with the position they have put themselves in the global arena. The consequences of their meddling with other countries, which is not inherently a bad thing, has far and wide reaching consequences compared to even the UK. It may not be my country, but they have made me and rather a lot of others a stakeholder. When they try and make themselves look better than they are, that does not sit well with me. Reputations affect more than their origins for some good reasons.
---
HERB
I see you have four months of holiday. Considering the stresses of prior months, it's a wonderful opportunity to kick back and chillax (chill+relax).
DAVID
Yes... but unfortunately it's also a brilliant opportunity to power through stuff I really should do.
HERB
... Like?
DAVID
Big and varied reading list ranging from fiction classics to coursework to philosophy to the good book.
HERB
Books can be relaxing.
DAVID
I don't really like books.
HERB
Ah.
DAVID
I'm working hard on my screenplay and after five years of playing bass I'm trying to seriously improve my skillz. Then there's random shit like visiting America, catching up with loads of friends, working (albeit very part time nowadays), continuing my ebay money making schemes and once I'm comfortable with all of that I'd like to learn how to cook.
HERB
... You don't know how to cook.
DAVID
Hey, I'm a student, alright? Look, I've got a couple of flatmates now. Three is a much more workable figure for cooking.
HERB
So how much of this are you actually doing?
DAVID
Lots. I'm really working hard. Having total independence is just what I need. Some people lack motivation or are motivated to chillax. I'm at a crucial stage in my life and I want to hurry and become a more complete person.
HERB
Cool. That's a good way of looking at this... although doesn't it take the fun out of life?
DAVID
A bit, but life isn't about fun. I still hang out with friends, but... wait. There's a principle for this. Some sort of law. THE REALITY PRINCIPLE. Look it up sucka!
HERB
That's all good and well as long as there's an end to this lack of fun.
DAVID
It's not just about fun. It's about happiness. And I am... contented. But I am content with being contented. And there may be an end, but there's no need to begin considering that now.
HERB
Actually using some perspective allows you to focus on the right things at the right time or in the right order.
DAVID
Shut up.
HERB
Sorry.
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